“My birthday celebration ended with me enveloped in Y’s arms. It’s the first time I celebrated my birthday with my boyfriend. I couldn’t ask for more…”
In every relationship, the need for time has always been existent.
It’s already August and I’ve noticed that Y started to have lesser time for me. Again.
On weekdays, he’s very busy with his job. After work, he goes straight to a gym to work-out. On Saturdays, he is either in a gym or in a badminton court. Sundays, he is resting. So, where do I fit in?
I’m happy that we get to see each other every Monday but that’s because I usually fetch him at work or in the gym. Sometimes I find it weird that I’m the one fetching him. The man wears the pants right? So why should I be the one to do it? Still I got used to it.
August 10, 2007. It was the birthday of one of his colleagues. Y and I were supposed to meet after work when he suddenly sent me a text message. He said he couldn’t make it. That he needed to go to the gym. I felt so low. I thought I was going to have some time with him.
An hour or two before I went home, I received a personal message thru ym. It’s from Vi, a former colleague and one of our common friends. She said that it’s Arjay’s birthday and they’re going out for a drink. She even invited me. I said I can’t come and I have to go home to do something. She said that would be too bad because Y would be coming.
My eyes almost popped out. I can’t believe what I’ve read. Isn’t it he just texted that he’ll be going to the gym? Why does he need to hide this from me?
Later, I went home alone still thinking of the possible reasons why he lied to me. Perhaps because of Cate?
Weeks later, I got what I wished for. Y gave me time. In fact, he lived with me for almost a week. It felt like we were back to those days we spent together at my Dad’s place. Only, we don’t have a huge couch where we could cuddle. Still, it’s as though we were husband and wife already.
I took good care of him really well when he was at my place. I woke up early in the morning to make his coffee. At night, I massage his tired body till he doze off. Then, I tuck him in the blanket. I kiss him before leaving for work and before sleeping… And I felt so happy doing all those things for him. But then, they were all good for a week. He also went back to his place after.
One September night as I was reading “Shanghai Baby”, Y arrived. I was so glad to see him. He took a shower then afterwards, sat with me and asked a very disturbing question.
“Do you find Ciara (his famous ex-gf) ‘hot’? Would she qualify in your standards of being ‘hot’? Would you like to kiss her?”
I said that kissing her is a BAD IDEA. I know that his questions would lead to something and I was right. He said that Ciara will soon be arriving from China. That he’s the only one who could show her around. He realized that I’ve become tensed and comforted me. Even asked me to tag along if I could handle the situation. He said that she’s now just a good ‘family friend’. And, that no one could snatch him away from me. That what’s important is that I’m the present…
Minutes later, we went back to normal conversation. About how our respective days went and so on… We discussed about why a man leaves his girl and finds comfort in another one. Then he said…
“Ikaw, hindi kita iiwan. Wala akong mahanap na rason para iwan ka eh.”
September 2007. It was our monthsary.
I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days. I wanted to find out something about Y. So, I opened up the topic while we were talking about us. I said I wanted to make a blog about him – his past relationships and the girls that were linked to him.
He thought it was a great idea. I gave him a yellow pad paper for him to list his girls (I told him to include even the present ones – flings or not) in alphabetical order. And, he did. I saw some names I know. Some from his friendster profile and some that I’ve met already (Cate was in the list!).
He was fine with the project at first and cooperated well. In fact, he already started narrating some of the stories with some of his ex-girlfriends already. Then, realization dawned on him. He stopped abruptly. He became aware that there would be a lot of negative possibilities in this project that I proposed. It could ruin our relationship.
Well, it’s true. But I really wanted to know about Cate, Ciara and Joan (the girl who has a crush on him and he claimed as a friend only — the one in the laundry slip). The truth hurts I know, but at least it might lessen all the suspicions I have. I was still determined to pursue the project till we had our lunch.
We ate at a Binalot restaurant near Crossings. As we waited for our food to arrive, Y told met to forget about the project already. It would only ruin us. I stayed quiet. Then the waitress arrived and served the food.
Finally, I broke my silence. Or at least, a fly did.
There’s a fly in my Beef Tapa meal and yet, I wasn’t so angry about it. In fact, it slapped me with an analogy.
I immediately called for the waitress and asked her to replace my meal. BUT, I don’t want it to be the same dish. I quickly scanned the menu and picked a different meal. I said I want it to be the replacement for the Beef Tapa with fly.
Then I turned to Y. He was gazing at me with a curious look. I smiled and said that I’ll no longer continue the project.
I didn’t have my meal replaced with the same dish for fear that they might just remove the fly and serve the same dish to me. Then my request for replacement would just be useless. It’s the same for the project. If I pursue it, it would just open up some wounds and cause conflict to us. Then we’ll just break-up all because of his past. And I can’t let that to ruin us.
When we arrived home, I asked Y to tear the list he created. I even joked about it, telling him to do it already before I change my mind and start memorizing all those names. He chuckled and obeyed.
After four years, I realized, if I pursued that blog then The Three Love Stories might not have existed at all. It might have been two only. Or worse, I might have been blogging about “The Diaries of a So-Called Pinoy Gigolo”. Anyway, I might not have been able to memorize all the names in his list but I am certain that Cate, Ciara and Joan were there (in fact my name was there too – it actually irritated me that I was in that list along with his ex-girlfriends). Which only means that there was really something between him and Cate, and Joan. One-night stand? Fling? That, I do not know… Besides, he never answered me when I asked who among those names were the serious ones except for Ciara? Well, I don’t give a damn now.🙂