“Saan ba tayo? Mag-ppropose ka na ba sa akin ngayon?”
I chuckled. Aren’t you supposed to be the one doing that? I thought.”
December 14, 2007. Y came to visit me for the last time this year. He’ll be leaving for Cebu on the weekend and might be back late January next year. He came with a home-cooked dish that he prepared. He’s been sweet to me lately. Perhaps, he felt guilty about leaving me during the Yuletide Season.
I gave him a massage while he did the talking. He noticed my silence. He asked what’s wrong. I said it’s hard for me to talk because my voice might give me away. With that, he did his best to cheer me up. I smiled a bit but I was still upset. So, I told him my worries.
I haven’t had my period. I’m delayed. He asked if I already tried doing a pregnancy test. I shook my head. I said I’m not yet ready but I plan to do it soon. By Monday, perhaps. I’ve observed that he was a bit nervous and was trying to hide it from me. He told me to update him whatever will be the result. I promised I would.
Before he went home, we exchanged Christmas gifts. He stressed out that I’ll find his gift amusing for it would remind me of something. Also, that I should read the card. I smiled. I’m sure gonna miss him…
December 17, 2007. I bought a pregnancy test kit in a drugstore overlooking the fact that I was wearing my college shirt. It was too late already when I noticed it. Still, I raised my chin and walked away. Anxious to get back to my place and know the results.
I followed the directions indicated at the back of the box. I placed the two different kits on a flat surface and waited for the lines to appear. I counted to 10. Lines started to appear on both kits. Two lines each. It’s positive. I’m pregnant.
I was speechless for around five minutes. My mind went blank. A mixture of emotions whirled within me. I can’t take it alone. I got hold of my phone and texted Y. I told him I’m going to call and tell him something important.
I had a hard time contacting him. When I finally got through, a woman’s voice answered me. Then she called for her ‘master’. Y told me that he’s been waiting for my updates since morning. I told him I just finished doing the test. He’s going to be a father soon.
The reception started getting chappy. I can hardly hear what he’s saying. I can’t detect his reaction. Then he hung up. After a minute, I received a text saying that he’s happy about it and that I need to have a check-up soon.
I can’t believe we’re having a baby then… A picture of a happy family quickly filled my thoughts. I can’t wait for Y to be back.
“Ms n ms kta as in supr mega. Merry xmas Sweetie ko & Baby ko. I luv u.” (Sender: Y, Sent: 12:52:16pm 12-24-2007)
“Hi Sweetie? Kmsta kyo n baby? Ms u s much. Pls tkr. Muah! Muah! Muah!” (Sender: Y, Sent: 05:25:37pm 12-28-2007)
“Happy New Year Sweetie ko.. i love you. mwah! mwah! mwah!” (Sender:Y, Sent: 01:04:00am 01-01-2008)
New Year came and there’s no news as to the exact date on when Y will be coming back. My Mom and relatives have already learned about my pregnancy and they wanted to talk to Y about his plans. Good thing Dad is currently abroad. Or else, I’ll be more pressured.
Days passed by and my fears grew intense. What if he won’t come back anymore? Paano na ako? Paano na kami ng anak ko? Baka naman niloloko na niya ako…
I started to have a regular check-up with a gynecologist. Thank God I have a health card, it saved me a lot in terms of my pre-natal expenses. All I have to buy are the vitamins.
I tried my best to keep myself healthy for my baby’s sake. I did everything required for me to do and never missed a single appointment with the doctor. But then, there’s always that lonely feeling that creeps in my heart everytime I have a check-up. I was always teary-eyed whenever I see couples talking about their soon-to-be-born baby while waiting for their turn to see the doctor. The father listening to the womb of the mom. It’s a sight to behold. A sight that I’ve always envied.
It would have been better if I was the mom and Y was the father in that picture. It would have been better if I wasn’t watching and I was the one experiencing it instead. I wouldn’t have felt like this, if Y was here with me…
And so I wish that hopefully, Y could accompany me in one of my check-ups… That he’ll be back soon.