“It was one moment in our relationship that I’ll never forget. The first time for me to meet my boyfriend’s mom.”
During the time that Y’s mom was in Manila, he hardly find time to see me. But I didn’t complain. I understand it well since it’s his mom after all. They hardly see each other and it’s rare for them to be together.
I kept myself busy with my job. At times that I miss Y, I just look at his things in my room and imagine him with me. One day while I was missing him, I opened the bag he left where he used to keep his clothes. I planned on unpacking it and tidying it up when I noticed something.
Some of his undergarments were still packed in a laundry bag, all clean and newly washed. I thought he used to do washing by himself. I saw the laundry slip and found myself stunned. The client’s name in the slip who had the clothes washed wasn’t Y. It’s a girl’s name. A girl which he claimed to be someone who has a crush on him. Someone who’s not his type but is okay as a friend.
I blocked all negative thoughts that started flooding my mind. But as I go on with my work the following day, I can’t help but analyze things. Why would he ask a friend to bring his undergarments to the laundry? Is she really just a friend?
Then, I’ve become aware that Y hardly sends me any text messages anymore. Is there no signal in Baguio where he is currently at with his mom? And, why is it that he didn’t even tried to invite me to go along with them? I mean, kahit ka-plastikan na invitation lang ba…
A week has passed and Y’s mom has finally left Manila. She visited me in my boarding house the night before she went to Cebu. It was so sweet of her to come and see me. And, even texted me when she arrived in Cebu. I’ve become so fond of her.
However, even after Y’s mom left, he still hardly had time for me. He said he’s been so busy with his work since he’s been going to the field lately. I did my best to understand but there were times when I still think of what I saw. Yet, I just told myself to trust him.
One Friday, I was so stressed and troubled. I could feel that there’s really something going on and yet I’m afraid to face it. Then, my colleagues planned to have a drinking session near the supermarket where I’m supposed to buy my stuff. I tagged along with them so I could unwind.
After work, Y texted me and asked where am I. I said I’ll be going to the grocery. He said he’ll meet me there to accompany me. Then, I told him I’ll also be joining my team in the drinking session. I asked if it’s okay with him. It took him long to respond. He said he might not make it anymore. I frowned.
After a while, he texted again and changed his mind. He asked where I am again. I said I’m in a resto bar near the supermarket and I asked if he’ll be coming. He asked who I am with. I said some male colleagues are with me. That we’re still waiting for the other girls to come. No reply.
I got annoyed on waiting for his response. I felt as though he’s trying to make a big deal about me going out when I didn’t even tried to restrain him when he was drinking with his colleagues in Ortigas. In fact, he didn’t even invited me during those times. He never asked for my permission too. So in my annoyance, I turned off my phone and drank a couple of beers. But I made sure I don’t get drunk since the girls didn’t show up and I’m the only female in the group. When we’re done, one of my superiors walked me home. They all acted gentleman, and I’m very grateful.
When I arrived at my boarding house, I saw Y sitting by the door gulping a beer in can. As soon as he saw me, he finished the can and glared at me.
“Ginabi ka ah,” he greeted me sarcastically. I kept quiet, I’m not in the mood to argue.
We took a shower. Then when we’re in the room, he started to confront me. I lost my temper and argued. I said I was just feeling lonely and needed to unwind. That it felt so depressing to be all alone with nothing to do whenever I arrive home. He continued with his litany about me turning off my phone as though I’m hiding something from him. About me drinking with my male colleagues being the only girl in the group. He went on and on till he compared me to his famous ex and to the girl he once claimed as just a friend.
Heat rushed in my head. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was furious and hurt. I fired back at him complaining that he always mention them and even dared to compare me to them. He remained unmoved and hurt me even more with his words.
“Yes, you can’t compare with them. Ibang-iba sila sa’yo. Sila, pumasa sila sa akin. Ikaw, anong ginawa mo?”
So, this is some kind of a test? Of what? Of proving my worth? I complained to myself.
I laid myself on the bed without facing him and cried myself to sleep. But I can’t sleep so I just pretended. His cellphone played heartbreaking songs that seem to crush me even more. I hugged my pillow tightly and wondered if I was really wrong.
Then, I sensed his hands caressing me. I tried to stop him but he insisted. I’m in no mood to do it. But I have no energy left to totally stop him. I was crying silently, trying to resist him. But he’s suddenly on top of me. He moved without a hint of gentleness. He undressed me carelessly and pounded hard, ignoring my pleas. He didn’t give a damn if I was hurt. He was transformed into a beast that only cared about devouring his prey.
When he’s done, he just laid beside me without bothering to look at me. I tried to embrace him but he shoved my arm away. I cried to sleep again.
He woke up very early in the morning. We talked again. Then he suddenly confessed to me…
He said he had sex with Cate. I cried hard and embraced him from behind.
“Di ako naniniwala sa’yo. Alam ko di mo ginawa yan. Nagsisinungaling ka lang.”
He ignored me. He continued saying that even if Cate is short, she has a nice flawless body. Smooth butt. And I felt like dying as I listened to him. I continued saying that I don’t believe him. But it felt as though I am actually convincing myself and not him.
Then he asked if I still love him and can accept him after the things I’ve heard. I said yes. He tried to embrace me but withdrew.
With all courage that I could muster, I asked if he still loves me after everything.
“I love you,” he answered. I tightened my embrace.
“I loved you,” he continued.“But my ideal girl doesn’t come cheap. Very unlike you, right? You’re a bitch just like any girl your age.”
All of a sudden, I was paralyzed. All my senses refused to function. I can no longer hear what he was saying. All I know is that, I seemed to have been slapped a hundred times causing me to swell and be numb. Everything became blurred. Like the entire room has been washed out by a flood.