“All I know right now is that I can’t afford to lose him. He’s the only person now who makes me happy. He’s the only strength I have.”
Days later after Y went to Cebu, I finally got myself a job. I should have been hired in a major tv station but they were too late in hiring me. Anyway, a week after that I left Dad’s place and moved into Mom’s. Then, I also left Mom and got myself a place that’s quite near to Y and to my work.
Work has made me so busy. I learned new things and was able to get my self-esteem back again. I was doing well in my new job and was always praised by my superiors. After work, Y and I always tend to see each other. He visits my place and sometimes, he also sleeps there.
One summer afternoon, he arrived at my place. We discussed some random stuff until we talked about my previous work and the people there. I’ve noticed that he kept on mentioning the name of my friend there, Cate. He said that they always go home together and eat together. I became quite suspicious. Woman’s intuition perhaps. So I asked if there’s something going on.
He said none. He’s just really like that especially since he needs a favor from her – like having his leave form signed.
I believed him.
Another evening, he arrived at my place from their company dinner. He kept on talking about the people from work which I just ignored till I heard the mention of Cate again. It annoyed me but I kept quiet. Instead, I just continued massaging his back till I noticed something.
He’s wearing the ‘ring’ that I despise. The one that often hurts me. (It was the ring with his ex’s name on it. A couple’s ring or engagement ring, I supposed. He didn’t clarify it before.)
I asked him why he’s wearing it. He said it’s nothing. That he just got used to it but will get rid of wearing it already since it seems that I’m uncomfortable with it.
I fell silent.
He sensed that I grew tensed. He started comforting me, kissing me and caressing me. My clothes dropped to the floor. Then, my hands seemed to move involuntarily, stripping him off. The room temperature rose. But his lips felt warmer and I can’t help but submit myself to the sudden desire that I felt. And, I found myself responding passionately to his kisses and every touch. It’s a rhythm we both know very well. He leads and I follow. He conquers me and I consume him. Until we are one.
As we’re resting after a steamy union, he hugged me and asked…
“Do you love me enough to marry me?”
I glanced at him with confusion. Is this a casual question or is he trying to propose?
I answered, “Yes”
He paused, let out a short sigh and said, “But you know I’m not the marrying type.”
I frowned for a second and tried to regain my composure.
“I know,” I replied, almost in a whisper while trying hard to hide my disappointment. It was just a casual question! I scolded myself.
My thoughts were interrupted when he said that his Mom will be coming here in Manila soon. He apologized already since he might not be able to always come and visit me since he’ll be showing his Mom around.
I said it’s fine and that I understand.
He smiled and squeezed me tight.
Four years later as I recall these events, I realized, what if I was the one to ask him that question during those times… in a different phrasing.
Like, “Sweetie, don’t you love me enough to marry me?”
I wonder how he would answer me that time. Will he lie to me? Or, will he tell me the truth right then and there?