“I could sense that something’s wrong with his messages. He seemed so distant. Then, he said he wanted to end everything between us… That I deserve someone better.”
I’ve already left the office for good. I stayed at home looking for a job with my doubtful Dad watching over me. Yes, Dad is back from the U.S. and he learned about what I’ve been doing while he’s away. The stories about my two boyfriends. And worse, he believed a certain story that never happened. That I got pregnant by X and had the baby aborted.
I do admit that I’ve been a bad daughter while he was in a foreign land but to accuse me of murdering an innocent one, is just too much. He never believed whatever I had to say. So, I decided to just be silent. It was the start of gloomy days for me. I’m jobless, penniless, defenseless, convicted without trial, and even have no one to comfort me.
Y sends me text messages from time to time but it still feels so different from when we’re together. I miss his embrace, the warmth of his body and his soothing words that always calm me whenever I’m lonely or troubled. I’ve always wanted to see him but I can’t. Dad was always on guard. He kept on asking when he gets to meet my man. If that person is really serious about me. And, does the man don’t love me enough to have the guts to face him. I ignored his questions but then, there are always moments when I’m alone in my room that I’m bothered by them. That maybe Dad was right…
I tried to persuade Y to pay me a visit and meet Dad as well. He seemed to have a hint of what’s going on and told me that it’s not yet the right time to meet Dad. That Dad’s probably still enraged and would just insult him. I frowned as I read his text messages. My faith on him is starting to falter. Why can’t he be brave enough about all this? I’m not going to force him to marry me anyway. I don’t want to be that pathetic. Besides, I’ll definitely take any bullet in his place in case Dad loses it. He doesn’t seem to have faith in me that I will defend him no matter what.
My cellphone buzzed. It’s Y.
“I luv u”
“I only care about u. Kahit wla kpa dad it doesnt matter to me. N d future its nothing but us. and everything about us. Parents are jst part of your past.”
With those words, I gained strength. Maybe we just definitely allow time to pass and let healing be done. Let time soften Dad’s heart. Since then, I never mentioned anything about the issue to Y again.
Days passed with me and Y busy on our respective goals. Him, with the tasks given by his boss. And me, with job interviews and exams. I’ve been rejected by some companies and felt like my self-esteem was thrown to the trash bin. It must have been because of my previous job experience and the situation I’m currently in.
Y started to lessen his text messages but I understand. He has lots of work. And so even if there are times when I felt so low, I just cry alone in my room. Even if I want him beside me, it’s not possible. This is all I could do for now… Just cry out all my sadness and frustrations without anyone watching me. Pour out all my longing for him.