(Note: Image and some text taken from Real Life Christian Communities blog)
Recently while I have been watching the Koreanovela Secret Garden, there was a scene when the young female director,Yoon Seul (or Sophie in Philippine version) threw out some lines that really caught my interest. They were well-said and reminded me of how people cope up with losing someone. But before we discuss that, here are the lines (as translated in English)…
“Haven’t you been hurt before?
Can’t you tell the difference?
Haven’t you ever felt like dying because of a girl before?
Then I’ll let you know.
Not being able to sleep and not eating are just the basics. Sleeping but waking up is torture. Because you don’t know how to separate from someone you loved. You can’t even tell anyone else. You’re afraid that they’ll think of them badly. And so, you cry all by yourself. We’re over. we’re finished. But only memories of good times and love pop up. The more and more you try to erase them, the longer the days get. So it’s like you’re breaking up with them for 365 days. But the thing that hurts the most, is that I don’t think they’re even thinking about me. I’m doing this by myself. That person has already forgotten all about me, and is now happy. You really wish you were dead, but you don’t have the courage, all because you’re afraid that you won’t… ever get to see him again.”
I know that many of us could relate to what this Koreanovela character have said. Those were really the actual things and feelings we have after losing someone. It is not just pain but a mixture of so many emotions which boils down to what we call GRIEF.
Many people associate Grief with being EMO. No, they are not the same. Being Emo is a choice that one makes, meaning it is you who chose to be that way. While Grief is something that you just feel. Grieving in fact, is an act of love. You begin to grieve when something or someone you love is lost. The more you love, the more you grieve. That’s why it taks some time to move on. But don’t take it too negatively. Grieving honors how great you have loved and how important your loss is.
It is healthy to grieve. Everyone experiences it. But in order for you to move on it is best if you understand what you are going through as you grieve. In a book by Dr. Roberta Temes (“Living With An Empty Chair – a guide through grief) she said that there are three types of behavior exhibited when in grief.
- Numbness (functioning like a robot, keeping yourself busy so as not to think of the matter)
- Disorganization (feeling the pain and managing it)
- Re-organization (exerting effort to pick up the pieces and move on)
On the other hand, there is another known process which is actually more specific… The stages of grief are tackled by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in one of her books.
- Denial (“This isn’t happening to me!” or “Maybe he’s just kidding…)
- Anger (“Why is this happening to me?!” or “You’ll be sorry for doing this”)
- Bargaining (“I promise I’ll be a better ____ if…” or “It won’t happen again just please…”
- Depression (“I don’t care anymore”)
- Acceptance (“I’m ready for whatever comes…” or “It’s already history. Time to go on with life”
As you can see, those things you feel are just normal. Indulge in grief in case you’re in it now. Don’t hold back. Tomorrow is another day and who knows… you’ll probably get over it soon. 😉