“I promise to always make you happy”
And before I could process any reactions, he sealed this promise with a gentle kiss on my lips. A kiss that didn’t expect any response. A kiss devoid of any worldly desires.”
Weeks have passed since the incident in that “room of mirrors” and yet Y and I are still always together. I have started to recover from my break-up and decided to go on with life. I admit that it wasn’t easy to move forward and I’m glad that I have someone like Y to help me.
Although, as I also began to throw away my blues I have discovered something about me. Something that I am afraid to acknowledge untill…
One night as Y and I were going home, I felt lonely. It’s weird having to feel that way for the specific reason that I don’t want to part with him yet. Suddenly it dawned on me. I held onto his hand and looked outside the window. I can’t look at him for fear that my eyes might give me away.
I watched the buildings and cars that our bus passed by. Everything seemed so fast. It seems only yesterday when I was still intrigued with this man who is now seated beside me, holding my hand. I never really liked him. But, one thing’s certain now – I love him…
I searched in my mind for reasons why I feel this way for him. How everything started and what made me fall…
Kakaiba siya pumorma, I thought. Mayabang at maangas ang dating niya. He acts like royalty. Masakit sa tenga ang Tagalog niya. Pero, magaling siya mambola. He is sooo thin. Patpatin, ika nga. Para bang isang ihip lang ng hangin tutumba na. Tapos, ang lakas pa ng loob magsabi na panromansa lang ang katawan niya. Well maybe he’s just afraid to break his bones that’s why he won’t change the plastic gallon for the water dispenser in the office.
Mabilis siyang dumiskarte. He is straight forward and agressive. Matamis ang dila niya pero hindi marunong manligaw (but he seems to be a great kisser! oops!). Yet he is persistent. hindi siya sumusuko nang basta-basta.
Actually, he is not really sweet but he is thoughtful enough to sweep you off your feet. Alam niya kung kailan mo mas kailangan ng pagkalinga. Kahit pasmado kamay niya, makikipag-holding hands pa rin masigurado lang na ok ka.
He won’t lend you his handkerchief when you’re crying but he will offer you his shoulders and some hugs. Nakikinig siya sa problema kahit pa paulit-ulit na lang ang kwento mo. Kahit sawa na siya, di niya ipapahalata sa’yo madamayan ka lang.
Hindi siya kasing-lambing ni X. Hindi rin siya kasing-gwapo at puti ni Z. But, he’s the only one who made me feel this way. I must be crazy but I can’t deny this – mas higit ang pagmamahal ko sa taong ito kesa doon sa dalawa. Sa kabila ng mga kapintasan ko sa kanya, siya lang ang lalaking nakapagpa-nerbiyos sa akin nang ganito.
Yes, I am afraid of falling in love with him. But, I already did.
The bus is nearing Y’s stop. I sighed as I turned to face him. I wished I could tell him how I feel. But doing such thing is not like me.
Y must have seen the longing in my eyes. He asked me if I want him to stay and just alight on the next stop. I was a bit relieved. I want him beside me even just for a few more seconds.
And I realized… I also want him beside me for always.