“What’s with this guy? Is he nuts?! Why is he saying all these things to me? What are his real intentions? Why should he account for something that is not of his responsibility? What is the price of all his kindness?”
As I nursed my broken heart, days passed by without me knowing it. But there’s one thing I am aware of – Y has always been there for me. Because of our sudden closeness, our other officemates had already started to tease us. They have become suspicious of why we are always together and why he shows extra care and sweetness for me.
In a videoke session, one colleague joked about my closeness to Y. He began calling me “Sweetie” because he learned that’s what Y calls me. Y got a bit annoyed and even thought of changing the ‘endearment’. I was secretly amused on his reaction, thinking that he must be the jealous type.
Some of the other guys in the office have tried to win my attention especially since everyone knew that I have no boyfriend already. But it seems that Y managed to block them away. Their interest just dissolved quickly. Perhaps it was also because of Y’s presence now that he’s already assigned back to our office. Like I said, he never left my side.
During my depressing moments, Y was always there to accompany me home. At one time, I was so down and didn’t want to go home. I am afraid to be sad and alone in our house. Y asked me where I wanted to go. I just told him anywhere. Then added, preferrably in a quiet place where I could cry without worrying about who sees me. Well, I guess it was a wrong answer.
We alighted from the bus we were riding on our way to my place. I noticed that we’re in a mall in Ortigas. I thought he’ll bring me to a quiet restaurant (I almost complained since I have no appetite) but we just stayed there near the entrance till he hailed a cab.
Few minutes later, I learned that he’s taking me to a motel in Pasig. I complained and threatened him that I’ll make a scene and walk away. I have no idea how it happened but he was able to convince me to go inside. Of course, I was paranoid again – this time, it’s ten times larger than how I felt on our first date.
It was my first time to be inside a motel room. There were mirrors wherever I look and I couldn’t help but be conscious of my appearance and the situation I’m in. I didn’t even want to sit on the bed. I just stood near the door so I could easily escape anytime in case he attempts to do something nasty. I was alert and watched every movement that Y makes.
Despite the very awkward situation, Y managed to make me feel comfortable. I can’t remember how he did it. Although he really scared me when he took a shower and took off his long sleeves and pants (he just left his boxers on).Yet, he didn’t do anything to me. Well, he embraced me as I was lying on the bed and sobbing. He cradled me like a baby and whispered words to soothe me. But beyond that, nothing happened.
I fell asleep crying. When I woke up I realized that Y is already on top of me brushing away a few strands of hair from my face. Nervousness filled me again. I started to feel chills even if his body was so warm against mine. I just thought of getting up from the bed when he broke the awkward silence between us…
“I know this is not the right time and place to say this…” he looked at me straight in the eye and continued.
“I love you.”
My mind went blank. Somehow I knew he would say those words. I could feel it in the way he cares for me. But like what he said, it just doesn’t seem right now. I slowly opened my lips and…
“Please don’t fall for me,” I whispered. “I’ll only hurt you.”
I don’t know if I was able to make him understand. If he was able to read my thoughts… I don’t want to hurt him because he’s so good to me. I don’t want to be vulnerable and tell him I love him if I’m not even 100% sure about it. I don’t want the day to come when he would think that he’s just a rebound.
He was quiet for a moment. I was afraid that I already hurt him. Afraid that I might lose him. My swollen eyes started to water again. I hardly heard the exact words he was saying about my getting over X. But he made sure that I listen to one thing he would say… He gently lifted my chin and held my gaze before he said the words…
“I promise to always make you happy”
And before I could process any reactions, he sealed this promise with a gentle kiss on my lips. A kiss that didn’t expect any response. A kiss devoid of any worldly desires.
With that, he was able to touch my heart. I didn’t know how he was able to do it, to control himself. It must be really hard for any man in that situation. Yet, he never forced me into anything unlike what X did. He just comforted me and pacified me till we fell asleep again.
And, I must admit that I felt comfortable and secured in his arms…