A re-post from one of my blogs created last year… I often go back to this prayer everytime I feel the need to.
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Tonight I lift up to you all the anger and pain in my heart…. They’ve been there for quite a time now. They did me some good but they also did me quite a lot of bad. I realized that it’s time to let them go…
This is difficult for me coz i’ve been used to their presence. But they have been eating me already, turning me slowly into a monster. I don’t want to be a monster. I don’t want to be a slave of these negative emotions.
A lot of people did hurt me. Some for just little things and there were also quite a few who did great damages in my life. I loathed them for what they did. I knew there was nothing bad for getting angry to them. But it’s unhealthy to nurse this anger.
My heart has started malfunctioning because of the pain and anger. I’ve become terrified of loving again and getting hurt. I did my best to freeze my heart and not welcome anyone. I am afraid that I cannot reciprocate the love given to me. I am afraid that I am no longer worthy and deserving to be anyone’s beloved. See how great the damages were?
And so I want to change… to be cleansed of these negativities. It may take time to heal but I am willing to be cured.
I can forgive yet I won’t forget – but this time for a good reason. I won’t feed this anger anymore. Instead, I’ll store those bad memories at the back of my mind so that they’ll serve as lessons I could go back to. A guide that will help me to avoid getting wounded again.
As for the pain, I will start by relaxing myself and creating new happy memories. Memories with friends and family. With this, I could start looking at the world from another perspective – that life is not cruel.
Lord, later as I lay down on my bed and close my eyes, let the last teardrops of pain and anger fall freely. Allow me to cry to sleep. But please let me wake up with a heart filled with hope and a smile painted on my face.
I love you, my Father and my Shepherd. Guide me back to the path You intend me to be…