“When I declare that someone’s mine, I don’t want to share him with anyone. Not that I want him to be mine…”
I was devastated. X and I are finally over and he broke up with me just through a single text message. A few days after, I discovered thru his Friendster account that he already has someone new. My world crumbled right before my eyes.
I tried to endure the pain of the break-up by keeping myself busy. Work is definitely hell and my boss is the king of this mini pandemonium. I tried to be focused but I can’t. I was paranoid (I guess you know why – he broke up three days after Tagaytay) and depressed. But somehow, I’m glad that someone’s there to comfort me – Y.
That night when X texted the shattering message, I didn’t know what to do. I was sobbing hard and I could hardly remember vividly all that I did. To be honest, I couldn’t think of anyone to confide to that time except for Y. It was an unholy hour. I wasn’t even sure if he’s still awake and yet he replied right away to my message.
Since the first day I went to work with a broken heart, Y never left my side. He was always there to make sure that I’m okay. He started to accompany me in going home and text me (more than the usual) when I’m already at my place. He served as my best friend during those gloomy days.
One time, when I was so sad and stressed, Y took the time to help me unwind at the upper level of our office building. There, I started to cry my heart out. Y was so patient with me. He consoled me and told me that X is not worth my tears. That I should not be crying over that kind of guy. Then I wondered, Hey, what am I doing up here with this guy? I have girl friends to talk with. Why am I letting him comfort me?
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Y started to talk about the “more serious” stuff that I was trying to avoid. He asked me if X ever used ‘protection’ when he did it with me. Nope. He asked if he was ‘careful’ when he did it. Not sure. He stopped. Chills slowly creeped up my spine.
The silence between us only lasted for a few minutes but it seemed like hours. It dawned on me that I really got a reason to worry and that I might be in huge trouble. I was still contemplating on my latest fears when Y began to discussed some new things that bothered me.
He asked me if I want to try a pregnancy test. I stared at him with my watery eyes and he must have read in my face the looming fear of the possible result. He paused again. Then, he said that I could let a week pass to be sure. I bowed my head and cried silently.
He told me that he understands me. That, if the result would be positive, he’d be willing to help me. That if my parents would go mad as hell and disown me, I could go to Cebu. To his house, to be exact. I could give birth there and recover. Start a new life. But he has one request… That I let him be the father of my child.
I was dumbfounded.
Ok, it was a bit flattering. But, what’s with this guy? Is he nuts?! Why is he saying all these things to me? What are his real intentions? Why should he account for something that is not of his responsibility? What is the price of all his kindness? I wanted to ask him all these but words just won’t come out of my lips.
Then suddenly, it occurred to me that he might just be kidding. That he was just trying to be humorous. An attempt to be funny or even korny. I was now feeling a bit embarassed that I overreacted in my mind. I looked up at him and waited for the punchline. But, he was so calm and composed. It frightened me especially when I looked straight to his eyes. I became so afraid.
Afraid because there was not even a slightest hint of humor in his eyes.
Afraid because I found nothing but pure sincerity. I turned away. I can’t look any longer.
It was so frightening. Frightening for I might not be able to reciprocate what his eyes convey.