Three Love Stories: Confused


“It was the longest bus ride I’ve ever experienced. He held my hand that time and even if his hand was sweaty, it gave me security and comfort. I don’t know why but it was only then when I felt comfortable.”


After the ‘friendly date’ I had with Y, I can no longer deny the fact that I’ve started getting confused. If the date wasn’t really a big deal to me, then why do I kept on thinking about it? Why haven’t X kept in touch? And to make matters worse, why am I always looking forward to Y’s daily Skype greetings or text messages?

“ ® Gud AM Sweetie. Hop U have a fyn day. Tke cre. God Bless.™  🙂

Yup, as you might have noticed, there has already been a slight modification to his greeting. The word “Sweetie” has been added. I was curious if he was also sending the same greeting to the girls in the office. I made a small discreet effort to know. And yes, he does and also with “Sweetie”. To be honest, I was disappointed that time that it was a template message he was sending me. But of course, it was a secret I only kept to myself.

One time as I was busy editing and re-writing the press release I did, he sent me a Skype message. It says, “Hi Sweetie. How’s ur day?” Unfortunately, my boss was the one sitting on my station, checking what I’ve done. And yes, he read the message. Bad timing! Luckily, I was standing behind my boss and I was able to fake a blank reaction. But I was really shocked when the boss reacted “Put**ng i**” to the message. Still, I was thankful that he didn’t ask me anything about it.

Since then, he never failed to greet me every morning and afternoon. And I’ve gotten so used to it. I started comparing in my mind his sweetness to the way X treats me at the moment. I was confused on what I feel for them that time. Yet with that confusion, I was able to come up with a poem hinting that I want to end what X and I have because of how he treats me. Then, I also wonder when will I ever get to see Y again. And yes, I got to see him again.

It was a busy day when he came to the office with one of his ‘teammates’. They were doing a certain project and I was also writing another press release. They were seated on my left occupying the vacant stations. His teammate was sitting right next to me, and he was sitting right next to his teammate.

They were teasing me as to how busy I was. I told them not to disturb me because I have to finish it so I can go home early. Then, his teammate asked, “What if you’re not able to finish it?” Then Y suddenly interrupted, “If she doesn’t then she’ll have dinner with me.” It was a very bold attempt to invite me to dinner. I guess it wasn’t really an invitation but a condition. “He’s still very confident,” I muttered to myself. I just smiled and said that it’s fine with me.

Modesty aside, what I was writing back then can actually be accomplished in just an hour. Well-written and grammatically perfect. But, I was not able to finish the article that time for two main reasons. One, I was distracted by Y’s presence. I don’t know why he has that effect on me. I couldn’t help myself back then to steal a glance at him hoping that his teammate won’t notice me and tell him. And, I was also hoping that I would catch him looking at me and he would smile back. Two, I simply wanted to have dinner with him so I intended not to finish the article.

So, I pretended to be having a difficult time with what I was writing. I did online researches (which I already did even before they arrived in the office but of course I had to do it again for the act) and re-read what I’ve already written for hundreds of times. When 7:00 p.m. came, I surrendered,  just in time for his teammate to remind us of the ‘deal’. He was smiling victoriously over what he thought was his success. And I was triumphantly celebrating in my head knowing that I’ll get a chance to be with him again.

And yes, we had dinner. he asked me what I wanted to eat. I told him that anything but chicken would be fine. To my surprise, he brought me to Max’s Chicken. I was puzzled why he did that (like maybe he wanted to get back at me for what I did during our friendly date. I hope it’s not that…).

Well, since no other dining venues are near and open we are really left with no choice but to enter the place (So, I guess, it wasn’t really intentional). He ordered beef with broccoli and pancit canton. Thank goodness he didn’t order chicken (FYI: I’ve had too much chicken for the week as my lunch viand that’s why I don’t want any more even a single bite). We chatted while waiting for the food, he transferred next to me so he could hold my hand. I found it very sweet of him to do that (yet I also scolded myself for thinking about it). But when the waiter arrived with our food, he transferred again to the seat infront of me.

When I got home, I found myself wondering what had just happened. Shocks! Was I discreetly flirting with Y? Am I making him draw closer to me? Or, am I just missing X so much that I’m fantasizing it’s him I am with and not Y? That, I don’t think so… Because I am very much aware of their differences.

This is wrong. I have to make things clear for myself.

I have to know what’s the score already between me and X. If he doesn’t want me anymore. And, I also need to know what is this that I have for Y. If this is just plain attraction or crush, or something more…

And I slept full of questions left unanswered.


To be continued…


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August 2010
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