“It was a gentle mind-blowing kiss that deepened and taught me to respond. I never knew that I could kiss a person as passionately as this, knowing that I don’t have any experience. And, wow… his lips are so soft and warm and I could go on kissing him endlessly.”
Time flies by so swiftly. Ang dami nang nangyari. Kami pa rin ni X. Pero… parang hindi kami. Ewan ko ba. Bihira na lang kasi kami magkita. We don’t spend much time together anymore. Mas marami pa siyang oras for other things, for barkada, and for Audrey than for me.
I thought we would be spending his birthday together last April. Kaso hindi. Wala nga siyang text sa akin noon nang buong week. I just let him be. Baka kasi kailangan niya nang space dahil nga sa mga problems niya. Problem sa sakit ni Audrey. Problem sa school. Na-contact ko naman siya nung birthday niya. I asked my friends to greet him too. Then, I was the last one to greet. Tawag yung sa’kin siyempre. Hindi text.
He was on a funeral that night. Kinabahan ako, akala ko kung sino ang namatay (wag naman po sana, please). Yun pala malayong kamag-anak nila. He was crying. Crying on fear of losing Audrey. I didn’t know what to say… I know words are not enough to comfort him.
Then, my birthday came last month. I thought he would celebrate with me. First time ko sana mag-celebrate ng birthday with a boyfriend. Though, it didn’t happen. Nakakasama talaga ng loob. Akala ko may ni-ready lang siya na surprise, yun pala wala talaga. It was just another ordinary day. I went home late from work. Had a cold chicken dinner from KFC while Chynna texted and greeted me. Di ko alam kung nakalimutan ni X yung birthday ko or talagang kinalimutan niya na ako. Haaay… I should have accepted an officemate’s date invitation. Baka naging masaya pa birthday ko. Sabay sana kami nag-celebrate ng birthdays namin.
Actually I accepted an officemate’s date invitation last weekend. To be honest, I enjoyed the company. And yet, I miss X. Sana siya ang kasama ko noon. Pero kung siya nga kasama ko that time, naging masaya rin kaya ang date na yun?
Raindrops are falling again outside. And here I am in the office, nag-sesenti. Ka-chat ko kanina yung officemate ko na ka-date ko nung Saturday. He was worried on why I’m sad. I said its because of my boyfriend. It took him a while to reply. He offered to go here to comfort me. Sabi ko wag na.
Haaay… masyado na yatang nagiging close ang officemate ko na yun. And I must admit, I like his company. He knows how to make me smile kahit corny ang mga jokes niya. Ewan ko ba.
Actually, I feel like writing a poem for X right now. I want to pour out all the things I can’t say in verses…
(in Nippongo means love)
Raindrops falling like the billowing skirts
of ballerinas dancing in the tv.
I gaze at them longingly
as memories of February nights
haunt my mind while I try
to compose a letter,
figuring out if I should say goodbye.
The cup lay empty on the table
Yet the after taste of the coffee
it once possessed remained sweet
but not like the way it was
when you came all dashing,
entering the doors of Figaro.
My hands gripped firmly
onto the cup of hot cappuccino.
Do you remember running away
from the buzz of the world?
And going to Tagaytay,
where chills brought warmth
to the confusion of our minds…
You became the answer,
the healing of a wounded heart.
Have you already forgotten
kissing me one April night?
your hands clasping my face
with such hunger that I never knew.
You cast a spell on me…
that I shall only look at you.
How I wish to kiss you again…
Hold you tight under the rain
and take away all the blues
along with the tears and pain
you gave me on my birthday.
Should I put an end to what we have and drift away? Kalimutan ko na lang siya? Para kasing wala na rin namang patutunguhan ang lahat… Malabo pa rin kasi. Yun nga lang, kaya ko kaya?