“Pag-uwi sa bahay akala ko I’ll be fine already. Pero hindi. I felt so hollow. It even feels like everything in me stopped functioning. I still breathe but I felt lifeless like my heart stopped beating. Everything became dull. Everything became meaningless.”
Days passed by like fast forwarded scenes of a horror movie. I continued with my daily routine, walking and doing my thing like a zombie. I tried to function normally but everything doesn’t just seem to cooperate.
Pansin ko na medyo iwas na sa akin si Audrey. Although, nagkakasama pa rin naman kami nina Chynna sa mga projects sa ilang subjects. Iba na talaga. It’s like, there’s a big wall between us. Or siguro it’s just because I hardly talk to anyone anymore. It felt like if I talk about my pain, just a single word, I’ll burst into tears and lose all efforts of trying to move on.
“Can we talk?”
I looked up and was surprised that Audrey was addressing the question to me. Yes, we’re seatmates in this subject. Only the two of us since Chynna doesn’t take this major (di niya kasi nakuha yung pre-requisite). Pero magmula nung incident sa Baywalk, bihira na kami mag-usap. Ngayon lang ulit, if ever.
“Sure. Tungkol saan?” I asked blankly.
“Basta. Usap tayo later after this class.”
We arrived in a newly-opened coffee shop along P. Noval. A few blocks away from Coffee Indulgence. She went straight to a table in a corner. We placed some books there then fall in line in the counter to place our orders. After getting our numbers, we went back to the table.
There were a few minutes of silence before Audrey finally talked.
“Kamusta ka na?”
“Ok naman.” I answered without meeting her gaze.
Finally, I looked at her. She was wearing an expression that I couldn’t decipher. I slowly bowed down and started doodling imaginary circles on the table.
“You don’t look okay, Jane. And I know, it’s partly my fault”
I was about to open my mouth and dispute her when our orders arrived. I then poured sugar and milk to my cup of coffee and started stirring it.
“Wala kang kasalanan, ” I said bravely. “It was a mutual decision”
She stared at me like I’m a creature from another planet. Then, she began to discuss things about her, X and me. She told me about how deep his relationship is with X. How X reacted about her current suitor (She likes the suitor, btw – a secret we shared since both X and Chynna are acting so overprotective to her). The promise between her and X that they will only enter a serious relationship after college. And, how she reacted about me.
“Kasi Jane, he used to be open to me in everything. I asked him before after his texting with Chynna kung may feelings siya sa’yo. He denied it. Then, I asked him again nung magkita kami. Sinamahan mo siya nun maghintay for me, dahil request niya di ba? Duda na ako noon. But he still denied it.”
I just listened to her intently. Trying hard not to be so affected.
“Nung nasa Figaro kayo, nung una, nag-deny pa siya na magkasama kayo. Tapos nung bandang huli, umamin din siya. Then, bigla na lang niya sasabihin na he wants you to be his girlfriend,” she stopped and examined my reaction. My face remained blank. So she continued.
“I have nothing against you Jane. In fact, I like you for my cousin. At least kilala kita. Ang ayaw ko lang naman yung ginawa niya eh. He was so unfair.”
“So, gumaganti ka sa kanya through me?”
Nagulat si Audrey sa sinabi ko. At kahit ako, nagulat din. Gusto kong bawiin ang mga sinabi ko pero di na pwede. Mas nagulat pa ako nang ngumiti si Audrey.
“Actually, parang ganoon nga. Pero wala naman talaga akong intention na gumanti. I just wanted him to feel how I felt when he refused Cris for me.”
I kept quiet and tried to understand everything. Still, I was a bit confused. Although, at least medyo may sense na kung bakit ganoon na lang siya sa akin.
I looked at Audrey and noticed that she’s starting to look pale. She was massaging her temples with her eyes closed. There were wrinkles in her forehead and pain registered in her face.
“Audrey, okay ka lang?” I asked.
“Nahihilo ako eh. Medyo sumasakit ulo ko. Nabigla yata ako sa kape.”
”Nag-lunch ka ba?”
Then she suddenly dashed to the comfort room. I followed her. She was vomiting and I gently pat her back. She was having migraine attacks. When her vomiting was over, I assisted her on the way back to our table. She looked so weak. She asked if she could take a nap for a while there. I said yes.
Half an hour later, Audrey insisted on going home. Despite her weak condition, we went back to Dapitan. I decided to accompany her to her boarding house. Kahit di ko na matandaan kung saan nga ba yun. On the way, she felt dizzy again so we stopped by at Chowking.
She was going to the comfort room to vomit for about five times. I was alarmed already. I asked her if she wants me to contact Chynna (her usual companion when she’s sick). She refused to and asked me that Chynna doesn’t know that we will talk about stuff. She doesn’t want Chynna to get involved. I didn’t know what to do. She then asked me to contact her cousin, X.
I was hesitant but she gave me that pleading look. I gave in and typed a very ‘safe’ message to X saying Audrey is sick and we’re in Chowking Dapitan.
Immediately, there was a reply. He’s coming over to see us.